It's Guy Love!!!

Nobody knows more about knowing less about Thomas Jefferson than my roommate Alex. When we went to Harpers Ferry last year for a day of ‘sampling’ local ales, touring, and hiking, I was privileged to hear some nuggets of wisdom about Thomas Jefferson. For instance, Thomas Jefferson invented ice. Thomas Jefferson used to use his old bed for a kayak down the Potomac and beat Native Americans in boat races. Thomas Jefferson invented hot sauce, but only after his red hair and George Washington inspired him. Every now and then, one would be outlandish enough to believe. Therefore, I could find no better person to quote now than TJ as I struggle to write this update.

“The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind”.

As many of you know, I’m moving out of my house today. I moved in just over a year and a half ago. I had just graduated college and I needed a temporary place to live while I figured out that whole ‘job’ and ‘life’ thing. A Craigslist ad from a guy named Paul saved the day—I found a 3 month sublet. When I carried my three dozen pairs of shoes into this group house with my fake nails (God, what was I thinking?!?), I was relieved. I knew I found a place that I’d be able to just have time to sort things out. I didn’t know I’d find a family.

I say this as Alex is beating by over 100 points on Words with Friends, and I hate him. In fact, you don’t always love your family. I’m sure my roommates never loved that time I drink so much at a band show I made them come to that I vomited on the hood of my car. Thanks for holding my hair back Clyde and getting me a McMuffin the next day. Which I also threw up. I’m sure Brock doesn’t love my 30 minute showers, complete with singing, curly hair shedding, subsequent drain cloggage, and flooded floors in the morning. I routinely verbally abuse Alex and ruin his favorite NPR radio shows. Maybe this isn’t what a family does, because it sure doesn’t sound like my biological one in Connecticut.

I look at that Thomas Jefferson quote, and realize just how apt it is to describe my three guys. Brock is a fireman. I’ve asked him countless times how hot it needs to be in a fire to burn teeth, or how you can get away with arson. Brock’s told me just how many trucks and ladders (I hope those are the right words) for a five alarm fire. I’ve learned life advice too, from my fireman roommate. He’s taught me about thread count, how many ‘points’ are in a beer, how to get a good Pinot Noir, where to listen to Barenaked Ladies acoustic, and my favorite, how to eventually be a good parent.

Speaking of fire, I also remember the carbon monoxide incident in the house. Clyde and I started a fire in the fireplace. We took pictures of Penny with the fire and it looked like a Christmas card. Clyde specifically told me to shut the flue before I went to bed, so I did. The fire wasn’t fully out. I woke up to Alex pounding on my door, and saying the carbon monoxide detector was going off wayyy more than usual. That’s right, we used to have a detector that beeped once every five minutes. We couldn’t figure out how to tell it to stop. So we got used to it. Which was why I slept through it when it was really going off. Or I was being poisoned by the gas. Anyways, I got to call the fire department and have a huge fire truck with five firemen come into our house with Ghostbusters technology. We had to wake up Clyde and Penny, because, as it turns out, they had toxic levels building up in the room. How’s that for a friendship fire?

I could sit and write all of my favorite memories from my roommates. Well, I am. They’ll be in the beer book. The point I’m trying to make is that my domestic fireside is something I will be eternally grateful for. People make plans, and God laughs. If you had told me ten years ago I’d be living in a house with guys older than me, I’d call shenanigans. Actually, that’s one of my favorite games to play with my roommates: What was I doing in fifth grade when they were doing ____ out of college? Besides not knowing archaic cartoon shows, it wasn’t a big deal. When you find the people who make you feel the happiest, paltry things like age aren’t an issue. Or when everyone’s heard the other have sex in the house. Yeah, it’s happened.

So, as I’m tempted to quote Semisonic’s song, “Closing Time”, I still feel sad. That’s not to say I’m not ecstatic about moving in with my best friend (and spouse, according to Rite Aid) Dani. I’m eager to begin my Dani stories. I’m a sucker for a good comparison (metaphors be with you!), and I do see my life as an unfolding book. Perhaps it’s my desperate desire to be a writer, but it is always hard to see a chapter you love finish. You might anticipate the next one, but you’ll always anxiously reread the previous. Luckily, Facebook seems to be keeping a good record of everything. And I never forget anything, ever.

Alex and I are bickering about Lionel Ritchie, and I think it’s good to end here. The Show is heading for a finale. I’ll live for reruns but for now, I’m getting ready to star in a new sitcom of Two Broke Girls.

Valentine's Day the "Right" Way!

(This post contains some sensitive material. I don’t want my words to upset anyone or trigger anything, but I am discussing birth control and sexual assault. Please be aware, and make the right choice on whether to continue reading.)

Just to startle myself back to the days when I didn’t use spell check on my blog, I reread last year’s post on Valentine’s Day. It’s not really worth going back to, unless you want to read my depressing rant on how every day sucks equally to Valentine’s Day when you’re single. Oh, and then I came out in the next post about my love for Penny, the puppy I used to live with. I can’t decide what’s worse: a borderline manic-depressive outlook on life in the month of February, or carefully veiled bestiality. Either way, before a suicide hotline calls me or I get arrested by the Humane Society, I want to take a different tone for 2/4/2012.

Congratulations everyone, we’ve made it this far in the year 2012. We’re not dead yet, and we have to get through get another V-Day. Ignoring the irony that this holiday can be abbreviated VD, I have mixed messages about this day. On one hand, I love the flowers my Dad sent my Mom on Saturday with the message “Why wait for Valentine’s Day?” Nausea aside for my parents being ‘that couple’, I see the other side of the spectrum. I won’t disclose names, but I know people who are planning to spend the day/night drunk with the hopes of picking up a random at their local bar. Or, you could just take the middle road—it’s just a normal day with an excess of pink and red hearts.

I never got the point of Valentine’s Day. It’s this one stupid day where everyone is supposed to be on better behavior in his or her relationship. Then again, I’ve always said this, but this is the first year I’m having a ‘real’ Valentine’s Day. Even though I make idiotic puns with his name (I call him ‘bath mat’ when he’s in the shower), Matt and I are determined to have a romantic Valentine’s Day. This entails heading out for a delicious meal of duck tonight and going on a ski trip this weekend. It combines all of my favorite things: game meat, rich white people sports, and, of course, Matt.

The thing is, even with all of these fun, albeit sappy, events, I can’t help but breakdown this holiday and turn it into something bigger than it is. What do people do on Valentine’s Day? Chances are, they’re having sex with someone that matters to them. It should be wonderful, worry-free, sex. Yet, if Conservatives have their way, Valentine’s Day sex might be ruined. That’s right, we live in a country where babies would be conceived on February 14^th, instead of food baby conception from too much chocolate truffle consumption.

I am ticked off about the birth control debate in this country. It shouldn’t have to be an issue.  At this moment, most of us, should we desire it, have access to a myriad of methods of contraception. This right is in danger. While I don’t believe that religious organizations should be forced to provide birth control if it goes against their doctrines, I also believe that this should be an accessible service that is provided to women by neutral health providers and ::gasp:: the government. The thing that most Conservatives don’t realize is that the small amount of money it takes to provide birth control is nothing in comparison to the cost it would take in welfare programs to help new mothers raise children they are not ready to have. Except for the fact they’re cutting these welfare programs too, basically telling women they have no support at all. All this from “pro-lifers”.

I know birth control is controversial. Ironically, I used to be very pro-life until I took my head out of my ass and realized that it doesn’t matter what I think. I don’t rejoice in abortions, but my opinions should in no way impact someone else’s choice. And I expect the same courtesy. Don’t tell anyone this secret but you can be pro-choice and never get an abortion. It’s extremely rare, but it is true—most pro-choice people are just fighting for abortion rights, not lining up to get one themselves.

When I hear morons like Rick Santorum say, “Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be”, I wonder what he thinks sex is supposed to be? Strictly for baby making? Once on the weekdays and twice on Sundays? Why does our country need people like Rick Santorum  ruining sex? Oh right, because when you do get pregnant, it’s all a part of the Almighty’s plan.

When asked by CNN's Piers Morgan what he would do if his own daughter approached him, begging for an abortion after having been raped, Santorum explained that he would counsel her to "accept this horribly created" baby, because it was still a gift from God, even if given in a "broken" way. Good ol’ Tricky Ricky said:

"Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn't have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice, I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or she doesn't, it will always be her child, and she will always know that.”

Santorum’s strategy is fighting trauma, with trauma. While I wish I could combat horrible crimes like rape with the quaint ‘when life gives you lemons, make lemonade’ approach, I can’t. Try as hard as I can this Valentine’s Day, Santorum’s words keep running through my head. Rick Santorum can never get pregnant against his will. Rick Santorum is not a woman. Yet, he feels he is somehow the chosen voice to speak on the issue of women’s health, or lack thereof. This man is running for President, and thousands of people are voting for him. Does anyone else see the horrible reality in this?

Therefore, as much as it is supposed to be a romantic day, I am turning February 14^th into a day of activism and education for all of my friends and family on birth control and rape. These topics are poorly understood but widely discussed. Make the conscious effort to be informed about birth control. It may not be the right choice for you right now, but for others, it’s a lifesaver. Please, be aware that no matter what, it is a woman’s body. She has the right to have as much or as little sex as she wants, regardless of what Rick Santorum and others say.

I implore everyone to enjoy his or her sexuality in a safe and gratifying way this Valentine’s Day. I love you.

When waiting for it to get better isn’t good enough

With a definitive ruling yesterday, California repealed Proposition 8, effectively making a ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional. Washington is even closer to having same-sex marriage in the state, based on legislation passed by the State Senate this past week. I’m in a difficult place. While I post these snapshots of equality on my Facebook timeline as they happen, I still see just how much more has to happen. With every headline of a momentary, isolated, victory for LGBT individuals, I’m wondering when the war will be over.

I know I should be happy that same-sex marriage has now been restored to California. I know I should be celebrating that for the first time in state history, more Marylanders support same-sex marriage. I’m not a patient person. I know I sound petulant. I know change takes time, yet I’m extremely despondent that something as basic as the right of happiness is still denied to so many Americans. Artie from Glee said it best in last week’s episode, “And don't say ‘it gets better’, because I want it to be better now”.

We live in a world primarily governed by fear and prejudice based on that fear. Remember Japanese interment camps? It wasn’t so long ago, and those started out of fear.  There are laws in this country that prohibit loving gay and lesbian couples from getting married simply because people are scared of what might happen if they do. Ask any person who is against gay marriage why they are, and if they can give you an answer, it’s usually that they feel it could tarnish the integrity of traditional marriage. With all due respect to one of my favorite musicals, Fiddler on the Roof, tradition can fuck off. Newt Gingrich is considered traditional, and his marriage track record is despicable.

Just because it’s ‘how it used to be done’, it doesn’t mean it is right for now. The Old Testament prohibits homosexuality (sort of), but as my shrewd mother points out, it also permits owning slaves (and sleeping with them) and polygamy. If this doesn’t ruin monogamous marriage, I don’t know what does. Fear drives people to do irrational things. It is one thing when your personal fear affects your own life. It is another when your personal fear intrudes upon the lives of someone else.  For instance, I’m terrified of snakes but I’m not going to outlaw terrariums. I’m scared of obesity but I’m not going to demand the closure of all McDonalds. Sounds ridiculous, right? People who protest gay marriage follow the exact same twisted logic. Except that gay people aren't venomous or cause high blood pressure. Contrary to popular religious and political belief, gay people have yet to be proven harmful to your health and society. 

Related to this news, there has been a stirring in the religious Jewish world about gay Orthodox men. I immediately want to say this mention is not meant to attack Orthodox Judaism. While I have my own issues regarding Judaism’s response to homosexuality, which I won’t share here (although you can probably assume what they are), I love and respect my Jewish friends and family in the utmost way. Because this isn't you. You are reflective of what good Jewish people are and how welcoming the religion is supposed to be.

In the past two weeks, The Jewish Press ran an article from a remarkable man named Chaim Levin on growing up in a religion that is not too accepting (to put it lightly) towards gays and lesbians. By not to accepting, I mean being ostracized, forced into terrifying and harmful reparative therapies, bullied, teased, tormented, unloved, and almost driven to suicide. All for being gay.

(http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/surviving-bullying-silencing-and-torment-for-being-gay-in-the-frum-community/2012/01/25/).

I am appalled that there are a select few who would prefer an individual live in the closet than be honest with themselves. Living in the closet is terrible. Imagine denying yourself an integral part of your identity, such as your favorite type of music or your favorite food. Because of another's fear. Now, imagine that ache to express yourself multiplied by one million. Imagine not being able to be with whom you want to be with because of unapologetic ignorance. Imagine thinking this is your fault. Imagine your schoolmates bullying you everyday.  Imagine it getting so bad that you commit suicide because it’s better than living a lie. Except you don’t have to imagine this awful scenario. It’s a reality.

It’s happening in our world today. Not just in Judaism, not just in Christianity, but everywhere. In high schools and colleges. By people who are so terrified of responses by friends, family, and society that death is the only person who will embrace them. It’s drastic but it is a reality that needs to be addressed. I don't want to be graphic or overly negative, but I don't want to be naive either.  And neither should you.

It has gotten to a point when I’ve been presumed a lesbian by a couple of people. After all, if I’m such a staunch advocate, surely I must have a vested interest. I am just vying after my own agenda, aren’t I? I don’t know what my sexuality has to do with this. I’m not African American, but I support civil rights. I’m not a seal, but I support bans on baby seal clubbing. I’m on the human team. I’m sure many of you remember this quote by Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Catholics

and I didn't speak out because I was Protestant.

Then they came for me
, and there was no one left to speak out for me.

If I don’t speak out for equal rights for the LGBT community, then what good am I? I’m fighting for the rights of people who, by some destiny, don’t have the same rights as me. I do this just as others have done for me. Because of many male crusaders, women must have the same wages as men.  Women can vote. Women can join the military. If I wanted to marry a woman, I would not be able to do that where I live now. And that’s just wrong. I propose that if this country doesn’t support same-sex marriage, those couples shouldn’t have to pay taxes. Why reward a country that denies basic liberties to its citizens?

I know I need to wait. I am cautiously optimistic that if/when California’s legislation goes to the Supreme Court, banning same-sex marriage would be ruled unconstitutional for the entire country. As my friend Ellen said on Facebook yesterday regarding the repeal of Proposition 8, “In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and equality still has a long way to go”. I could not agree with her more.