When waiting for it to get better isn’t good enough

With a definitive ruling yesterday, California repealed Proposition 8, effectively making a ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional. Washington is even closer to having same-sex marriage in the state, based on legislation passed by the State Senate this past week. I’m in a difficult place. While I post these snapshots of equality on my Facebook timeline as they happen, I still see just how much more has to happen. With every headline of a momentary, isolated, victory for LGBT individuals, I’m wondering when the war will be over.

I know I should be happy that same-sex marriage has now been restored to California. I know I should be celebrating that for the first time in state history, more Marylanders support same-sex marriage. I’m not a patient person. I know I sound petulant. I know change takes time, yet I’m extremely despondent that something as basic as the right of happiness is still denied to so many Americans. Artie from Glee said it best in last week’s episode, “And don't say ‘it gets better’, because I want it to be better now”.

We live in a world primarily governed by fear and prejudice based on that fear. Remember Japanese interment camps? It wasn’t so long ago, and those started out of fear.  There are laws in this country that prohibit loving gay and lesbian couples from getting married simply because people are scared of what might happen if they do. Ask any person who is against gay marriage why they are, and if they can give you an answer, it’s usually that they feel it could tarnish the integrity of traditional marriage. With all due respect to one of my favorite musicals, Fiddler on the Roof, tradition can fuck off. Newt Gingrich is considered traditional, and his marriage track record is despicable.

Just because it’s ‘how it used to be done’, it doesn’t mean it is right for now. The Old Testament prohibits homosexuality (sort of), but as my shrewd mother points out, it also permits owning slaves (and sleeping with them) and polygamy. If this doesn’t ruin monogamous marriage, I don’t know what does. Fear drives people to do irrational things. It is one thing when your personal fear affects your own life. It is another when your personal fear intrudes upon the lives of someone else.  For instance, I’m terrified of snakes but I’m not going to outlaw terrariums. I’m scared of obesity but I’m not going to demand the closure of all McDonalds. Sounds ridiculous, right? People who protest gay marriage follow the exact same twisted logic. Except that gay people aren't venomous or cause high blood pressure. Contrary to popular religious and political belief, gay people have yet to be proven harmful to your health and society. 

Related to this news, there has been a stirring in the religious Jewish world about gay Orthodox men. I immediately want to say this mention is not meant to attack Orthodox Judaism. While I have my own issues regarding Judaism’s response to homosexuality, which I won’t share here (although you can probably assume what they are), I love and respect my Jewish friends and family in the utmost way. Because this isn't you. You are reflective of what good Jewish people are and how welcoming the religion is supposed to be.

In the past two weeks, The Jewish Press ran an article from a remarkable man named Chaim Levin on growing up in a religion that is not too accepting (to put it lightly) towards gays and lesbians. By not to accepting, I mean being ostracized, forced into terrifying and harmful reparative therapies, bullied, teased, tormented, unloved, and almost driven to suicide. All for being gay.

(http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/surviving-bullying-silencing-and-torment-for-being-gay-in-the-frum-community/2012/01/25/).

I am appalled that there are a select few who would prefer an individual live in the closet than be honest with themselves. Living in the closet is terrible. Imagine denying yourself an integral part of your identity, such as your favorite type of music or your favorite food. Because of another's fear. Now, imagine that ache to express yourself multiplied by one million. Imagine not being able to be with whom you want to be with because of unapologetic ignorance. Imagine thinking this is your fault. Imagine your schoolmates bullying you everyday.  Imagine it getting so bad that you commit suicide because it’s better than living a lie. Except you don’t have to imagine this awful scenario. It’s a reality.

It’s happening in our world today. Not just in Judaism, not just in Christianity, but everywhere. In high schools and colleges. By people who are so terrified of responses by friends, family, and society that death is the only person who will embrace them. It’s drastic but it is a reality that needs to be addressed. I don't want to be graphic or overly negative, but I don't want to be naive either.  And neither should you.

It has gotten to a point when I’ve been presumed a lesbian by a couple of people. After all, if I’m such a staunch advocate, surely I must have a vested interest. I am just vying after my own agenda, aren’t I? I don’t know what my sexuality has to do with this. I’m not African American, but I support civil rights. I’m not a seal, but I support bans on baby seal clubbing. I’m on the human team. I’m sure many of you remember this quote by Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Catholics

and I didn't speak out because I was Protestant.

Then they came for me
, and there was no one left to speak out for me.

If I don’t speak out for equal rights for the LGBT community, then what good am I? I’m fighting for the rights of people who, by some destiny, don’t have the same rights as me. I do this just as others have done for me. Because of many male crusaders, women must have the same wages as men.  Women can vote. Women can join the military. If I wanted to marry a woman, I would not be able to do that where I live now. And that’s just wrong. I propose that if this country doesn’t support same-sex marriage, those couples shouldn’t have to pay taxes. Why reward a country that denies basic liberties to its citizens?

I know I need to wait. I am cautiously optimistic that if/when California’s legislation goes to the Supreme Court, banning same-sex marriage would be ruled unconstitutional for the entire country. As my friend Ellen said on Facebook yesterday regarding the repeal of Proposition 8, “In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and equality still has a long way to go”. I could not agree with her more.