Am I the last person who actually cares about resolutions?

Happy Secular Calendar New Year everyone, or happy day of Jesus’ circumcision. Seriously—don’t believe me? New Years is 8 days after Jesus was born. Snip snip! Because we are in AD, January 1 is the start of the new year and thus the time when we all strive to make this year better than last. Because this year is the year, right?! We’re going to make it count! This is the year that my gym will suddenly double in population and I’ll have to battle some overweight woman for the treadmill. This turf war will last until the beginning of February when all of a sudden working out isn’t as easy as a champagne fueled promise made it sound. Then, I’ll have Bally’s Total Fitness of Wheaton back until swimsuit season. Although the thought of the people in my gym in bikinis makes me want to projectile vomit. Anyways, I’m off track. I’m hear to criticize you, blog readers. I want you to stick to your guns and make your resolutions count.

I’ve talked to a number of you about resolutions. Everyone says the same thing but then ultimately scoffs at them and says they won’t stick. Why not? Am I the only person I know left who actually has motivation and drive to change? Listen, I’m not that special. I use fancy words and varied sentence structure to inflate my opinion of myself but overall, I’m just a 22 year old who can’t reach the top shelf of all the cabinets in her kitchen. My short arms don’t give me super powers to follow my resolutions. You’re all more capable than me but I think the problem is the type of resolutions you make.

I’d love to lose a ton of weight and look like Brooklyn Decker in a swimsuit. (Who wouldn't)

It’d be awesome find true love and get out of debt and climb Mount Everest. But come on, if you make these resolutions, you’re probably going to fail. Even me with my man thighs can’t climb Mount Everest. You know what my resolutions were last year for 2010? Graduate college, find a job, run a half marathon and be happy at least 75% of the time. And those of you who know me really well will know I did all of those. I’m trying not to brag but these were all attainable because I put in a good amount of effort and because I cared if I succeeded in these. It pisses me off that people make empty resolutions and have no drive to change. If you don’t change, where are you going, really? Having your car stuck in neutral sucks, especially when you don’t have four wheel drive.

I don’t know enough about cars to continue this metaphor. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you signed up for when you clicked the link for this blog. I promise I’ll get back to my normal crap—believe me, I’ve got some gems for 2011. However, I’m sharing my resolutions to inspire you to make yourself happier. Nobody is a superhero but a little bit of work towards yourself isn’t selfish, it’s worth it, I promise.

Sharon’s Resolutions for 2011:

1.      Try 100 new beers (I’m already 2% done with this one!)

2.      Change one aspect of my personal appearance so people don’t think I look 16 all the time

3.      Create a new relationship, whether it be make a new friend or romance

4.      Buy a bike and explore DC/MD

5.      Understand technology a little bit better, including how cars work

6.      Stop taking crap from people who aren’t worthy of me

7.      Eat French fries less, but not totally removed from my diet

I have all faith in myself I can do this. And believe me, all of you out there, I know you can do it too. Because as sappy as it sounds, I believe in all of you. You wouldn’t be my friend on Facebook if I didn’t care about you. Because resolution #6 would have take care of that already.