If you’re a Republican, I wouldn’t read this post

What a crazy week for the government. Like all of you, I was anxiously watching CNN, following all news of a potential shut down. There was a brief point where I compared it to watching the Weather Channel in 6^th grade. You know, when you’re praying for a snow day so you don’t have to take that spelling test you didn’t study for. I still have trouble spelling acquiesce but thank goodness for spell check. A government shutdown isn’t nearly as fun as a snow day because it’s not like you get to build a snowman all day and drink hot chocolate. No, when the government shuts down, garbage doesn’t get picked up and the Grand Canyon is closed. It sucks.

Thank goodness it didn’t happen. I can’t even imagine what would have happened if it had. Granted, I don’t remember the last shutdown since I was about seven but now that I’m old enough to understand politics (thanks Schoolhouse Rock), I get the ramifications. I’ve tried to look at this rationally, but I can’t. All I can do is blame the Republicans (and a little bit of the Democrats but like 99% of the blame is on the GOP).

First of all, how can a political side with the nickname Grand Old Party be such a boner shrinker? I love a good party unless it’s filled with people who want to cut food stamps money for pregnant women. Seriously? How can you sleep at night? And healthcare? Do you even realize that the vast majority of your voters would never be able to afford healthcare any other way? The ironic situation is worthy of O. Henry, but you probably wouldn’t realize that because you cut funding for literature since it can’t be included on standardized testing for No Child Left Behind. It’s all about bipartisanship. As somebody who’s seen the effects of tequila turning people bi at parties, I don’t understand how a Congressional compromise can be that difficult. Just liquor up Harry Reid and John Boehner enough so that they make out. That’s how shit would get done in my bi-party-sanship. Gross. What a terrible mental image.

worse than a lemon party but better for america.

My hatred of Republicans has been pretty deep my whole life, given being raised in a blue state with liberal parents. I’m pretty sure my mother would rather me marry a heroin addict than a Republican. At least there are rehab centers for drug users (unless the Republicans have their way and cut funding for all of them since they don’t produce oil).

I get that Democrats are a little to blame too about this budget crisis. Sure, I don’t love the fact that I’d have to pay more taxes but I see all the good they do. I believe it was Joe Biden who said that it is patriotic to pay taxes. And nobody is a bigger patriot than me. I would love it for one week if the Teabaggers had their way and got the government they wanted. Have fun driving on your private roads that won’t have funding to fill in potholes or dealing with all the children your preteens will have because you were too foolish to not give them sex ed and a couple of dollars for condoms. And I’m the one with no morals because I don’t like Nascar. Seriously.

I’m glad that we reached a semblance of an agreement in the 11^th hour, as the WaPo put it. I would hate it if all the national parks shut down and there were no museums open for me to suggest as good first date ideas. The idea of calling the majority of government workers ‘non-essential’ is just terrible. America, I still love you but you disappointed me this week.