Call me Buzz Killington—why I don’t celebrate April Fool’s Day

It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated. I didn’t forget about you guys, I swear. I guess I’ve just been spending too much time hanging out with everyone instead of writing to appeal to all of you. I’d like to believe that time spent in-person with me is better than reading this garbage.

When I woke up this morning, I immediately said ‘Rabbit, Rabbit’. I’ve been saying this stupid repetition on the first day of every month since I’ve been eight. I learned about this good luck tradition on Nick in the Afternoon by the infamous Stick Stickely, and have been doing it ever since. So far, I haven’t won the lottery but I also haven’t gotten hit by a truck, so I’ll keep doing it.

It wasn’t until I got in the car around 7:30 this morning to feed the Hobie, the dog I’m watching, that I remembered it was April Fool’s Day. I was listening to DC101 (because I have excellent taste in music) and they were rattling some funny pranks to play on coworkers. When I switched on commercial to Hot 99.5 (because I have terrible taste in music), they gave me another list of pranks. And that’s when it clicked. The first of April is always April Fool’s Day. Duh. And once again, my faulty memory prevails. I guess my juvenile Alzheimer’s is the first prank of the day.

Anyways, while on the car back to my place after feeding and walking Hobie-wan Kenobi, I was thinking that maybe I should play a prank on someone. I could probably do something hysterical to Alex but that’s when I realized—I pull shit on people (especially Alex) everyday. I’m actually really bad at planning pranks because I always ruin them. I remember one year when I was really young that I put blue and purple play dough in the toilet and tried to tell my Mom that I had a bad stomach ache and was pooping colors. She didn’t buy it and I had to fish toilet water-soaked play dough out of the toilet.



you'll never think of play-dough the same way.



I prefer the prank of spontaneous surprise because I’m an impulsive person. Those who know me best know how well my planning goes (law school, you were a nice dream for three months).



There is a whole host of pranks for the iPhone alone but the thing is, these are just boring. You get to mess with the phone, probably see something embarrassing along the way, and then let’s say, change their default phone language. Then they’re all like ‘ZOMG THIS IS AWFUL, I DON’T SPEAK THAI, HAHAHA HOW DO I CHANGE THIS BACK!!!!1111” (yes, everyone speaks l33t in my dramatizations). And then you change it back, exchange a weak chuckle and get back on your way. I just don’t get the point. Wouldn’t it be funnier to mess with people not on April 1?

Perhaps April Fool’s Day gives us a reason to be dicks and we can’t get in trouble for it. I don’t know why I’m so unwilling to participate. In my effort to stand out and practice nonconformance, I’ll be polite and proper today. Then, I’ll celebrate 364 days of dick-ishness. Just wait until tomorrow…