Better to close your mouth and be thought an idiot than to open your mouth and be proven one

I love doing laundry. Seriously, it’s my favorite chore. The intoxicating scent of fabric softener and detergent. The nice, warm, cozy feeling of clean pajama pants. I’m so turned off by dirty laundry that I will suggest other places to hook up with boys if I suspect their bed is a little ripe. Needless to say, I despise ironing. I know the two tasks should go hand in hand, but they don’t. Ironing is like the red-headed step child of chores. I always create more wrinkles than I set out with, and I just lose patience. Then I burn myself, incidentally inhale an excess of starch, and never fold the ironing board up the right way. It ends with me kicking the frame and drinking a beer.  I avoid buying clothes that require ironing, and end up saving money with my practicality (or maybe it’s because I buy everything a thousand seasons late at Rugged in College Park or Value Village).

Still, as I find myself matriculating further and further into the adult world, I’m buying nicer clothes. I recently bought a handful of new shirts from a decent store in the mall. While I can wash them in the laundry, I’d still have to press them. I don’t have time for this nonsense, so I brought them to my dry cleaner. Now, as with most things in my life (see the fact I wear second-hand shit somebody probably died in), I like to save money. I don’t go to a ‘nice’ dry cleaner. I go to the one on Georgia Avenue, in Silver Spring. Usually this is enough for people to look at me, give me an acknowledging nod as they recall the sketchy center I send my delicates. For those who are less familiar with the area, my clothes are currently residing at Dry Clean Direct, evidenced below:

I only started going there because my boss goes there. Yes, everything there is $1.98 to wash, unless it’s traditional African garb ($5, any size) or a comforter. Dirt cheap. I basically just need my Express shirts to have that great chemical smell (formaldehyde, perhaps?) and have less wrinkles than when I dropped it off. As I was looking at my receipt yesterday morning, I noticed that the top portion stated that shirts were $1.19. Funny. I was charged $1.98 for all of my items. I was ticked at the error, and set out to correct them. If they wouldn’t reimburse my the 79 cent difference, I had a whole tirade planned where I would threaten to go to a cleaner who actually knew what a goddamn shirt was. As is the title of this post, it is better to close your mouth and be thought an idiot than to open your mouth and be proven one. Wise words from my Dad. Except that, like most idiots, I don't think I'm wrong. 

I brought up the cost discrepancy yesterday at work. It’s not that I can’t pay the almost $4 in total difference, but it was the principle of the matter. So I asked my boss if she thought I should raise a fuss and she gave me the information. Apparently, everything I thought I knew about dry cleaners was wrong. Now, I didn't intend for this to be a feminist rant (sorry Deb), but for once in my life, I’m actually on the woman’s side of things. Here’s why.

Are you aware that dry cleaners literally everywhere will charge more for a woman’s shirt than a man’s? That’s right. Because my buttons are on the other side, I have to pay more to have my shirt cleaned. The dry cleaners give some bullshit reason that it takes more time to press a woman’s shirt because of the variety of materials in it, and that it’s more delicate, and blah blah blah. Are we really going to make Veronika below pay more for dry cleaning?

I’m enraged. This is pure crap. There is no way it could possibly take my XS shirt from Express that much more time than a man’s shirts. In fact, when I looked up the male equivalents of my shirt, the materials were exactly the same: 97% cotton, 3% spandex. My shirt isn’t woven with unicorn hairs that need extra care to dry clean. It’s the same goddamn fabric as a man’s, yet I’m getting charged 79 freaking cents to get my shirt cleaned. AND I’M SMALLER. I’M LESS CHEMICALS AND TIME. But that’s another rant.

I can’t help being a woman, but apparently dry cleaners feel the right to bully woman into paying more for their services. I’m not the only person outraged about this. I read a bunch of articles on this similar topic, and it’s not a new point of dissent either. Some solutions proposed are to implement a flat fee for shirts, man or women’s. Or, base it by material costs. Whatever. Apparently I’m supposed to accept the fact that the extra space taken up by my breasts in a shirt means that I have to pay more.

I know it’s not a big deal, because I’m still getting a fantastic deal at my probably illegal dry cleaners. It is strictly cash only there, pay up front. But still. I understand paying more for a haircut if I have longer hair. I understand paying more for a liter of beer than a pint. This makes sense. But paying more for a shirt just because IN THE PAST, they used to be more difficult to wash? This is shit.

If I were serious, I’d probably never visit a dry cleaner again. But I’m lazy, and just under $2 a shirt is still worth it for me. But like periods and long lines to the restrooms, women just get shafted again. Fuck. Whatever, I’m going to start buying tuxedo t-shirts.