Getting school’d in winter, when most schools are ironically closed.

The only good thing about winter--seeing Jake in a scarf. Why can't he come over and plow me...my streets, I mean!

It looks like a lot of people are either delayed or canceled for school or work due to the snow. My poor mother in Connecticut is dangerously close to declaring jihad on Mother Nature and if my friends in Chicago ever get dug out, I’m sure they’ll share the same vengeance. The Maryland winter in comparison isn’t as bad, but it is still annoying. In this past week, I’ve learned a couple of things about myself, snow and humanity in general. 

I found out the hard way that if you spend thirty minutes shoveling a parking spot in front of your house, some jabroni will park there when you leave. I now understand that I need to claim my spot with a lawn chair, garbage can or some other white trash lawn ornament. Except knowing my neighborhood, some privileged white kid will steal our garbage cans, just like they broke into my roommate’s car. 

Speaking of Alex, I learned that he cannot be trusted with my car keys or a car in general. I drove Alex to work last Thursday since he couldn’t drive his car back on his own on Wednesday due to the blizzard. He accidentally took my spare car keys with him instead of his own keys, thus negating the awesome driving job I made to Bethesda. I’m not mad because I picked him up and we went out for pizza. Although I am mad because the snow knocked out power to our first pizza choice, Mia’s, which I had a Groupon for.  We were stuck eating my new favorite pizza place, Pete’s New Haven Style Apizza in Friendship Heights (Okay, I love Pete’s a lot—shameless plug!)

Also, Alex’s car battery died this weekend so I was able to witness firsthand just how you can jump a car. I kind of zoned out of all the maintenance parts of driver’s ed because my Dad told me we had AAA. Is there really any point to listening to blather about  brake fluid when I have a gold membership to AAA? Plus, I save on tickets for everything. That, combined with my student ID gets me into movie theaters for the low rate of $9. Stupid Majestic. Also, and don’t hate women, but let’s face it, I can’t work a car, at all. As I’ve said before, who needs a manual when I have a man (guy roommates). Although Alex would have been SOL if I hadn’t been home with Bruce’s revving engine.

Also, the snow and ice are knocking down trees faster than Paul Bunyan in the streets. Seriously, there’s more wood here than at a screening of a new Jenna Jameson pornography. I saw cars smashed into and learned that my own trusty car can drive over branches and power lines. I also drove over someone’s lawn, but only after I saw everyone else doing it. I guess the lesson with winter is that you’re allowed to be white trash (leave lawn chairs out and drive on said lawns) because there are no rules for winter. I mean, if winter is going to pound us, we should pound back with the same fury.

However, there was one sparkling instance of a Good Samaritan in my neighborhood. I was trying to pull out (this was before I shoveled out a spot) and my wheels were spinning. Some neighbor of mine I had never met just shoveled me out. He spent about ten minutes clearing all the snow from my wheels and pushing the Taurus until I was moving. So thank you guardian Ford angel, I really appreciate it. There are some good people still out there. And the rest are just mindless fucks who don’t know how to drive in snow. Be safe blog readers—hopefully you have power and aren’t stuck in a snow drift somewhere. Because if you were, then who’d read my blog?