haven't you heard? i thought everyone heard that the bored is the word.

Let’s face it, we all get bored at work sometimes. For the most part this week and last, I haven’t been awarded that luxury. Yet, right now, I find myself comforted by the slovenly arms of my buddy I like to call ‘boredom’. I’ve been working in DC and this is the first time I’ve experienced a ‘scheduling lull’. Rather than use my time constructively to volunteer for Big Brother, Big Sister or patch the ozone hole, I’ve decided to discuss something that we all experience.

Boredom is unique in that it is a physical and mental activity, or rather inactivity. For instance, I just sneezed. If I weren’t bored and otherwise occupied, that’d be it. Since I am bored and by myself in a forgotten about corner office, I spent some time noticing this sneeze. First thing, I said ‘Bless you’ to myself. Then, I realized that my ribs/abdominals hurt during this sneeze. Could I be doing too many crunches at the gym? Or maybe I’m not doing enough and this soreness is a reminder to stop eating so much Taco Bell and jump on the stability ball to strengthen my core. Next, I readjusted my nose screw. This promptly made me sneeze again. My abs still hurt. However, three minutes went by. That’s a bit of a success.

I haven’t been silent about my boredom. Obviously, I’m updating the blog but I felt the unequivocal urge to whine to everyone just how bored I am. Because they’re my friends, they didn’t (all) tell me to fuck off. I was told that I should either “practice armpit farting” (Clyde), “do a little dance” (Aaron), “masturbate” (nameless friend”, or my favorite, “do all three of those” (Karli). Do I have the best friends or what? Needless to say, I’ve only done the armpit farting and I’ve improved my technique. Yet here I am, still bored.

I see how much faster information and technology are than they previously were. We can communicate faster but as a result, we get bored faster too. Rather than spend days pining for the postman to drop a letter from your boy overseas, we complain if it takes more than 10 minutes for someone to respond to a text. Thus, we fill that span of time with mindless apps. My new favorite, ‘Words with Friends’ is a rip-off of Scrabble. I’m doing pretty well on here, and it is my turn on the game. Sadly, I didn’t bring my iPhone charger and the game is stagnant. My lead is secure but inaccessible. And so my boredom grows.

I’ve already checked the news sites a bunch, as well as my Facebook newsfeed. Some people seem just as bored as I am. Walt Whitman once penned, “The powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse”. Yet, if we’re too busy being bored, how will we ever muster the energy to create such a personal memento? Nowadays, our verses are under the same restraints of a tweet and treated with an Internet attention span of not much longer than a goldfish’s. I shudder to think how short my future children’s attention spans will be, provided that this offspring somehow bypasses all the roadblocks I have set for them (I’m seriously considering putting the Great Wall of China in my cervix).

Anyways, the point is that I’m bored. This post helped but now I’m just going to slog home on the Metro, where I will assail my ears with songs I’ve heard. I’ll only listen to roughly 45 seconds of them before I hit ‘next’ on my iPod. I’ll charge my iPhone at home and play a killer word on Words with Friends, as usual. I’ll wait for my next turn in the game in between downloading episodes of Modern Family and folding laundry. Even at my doctor’s appointment today, I was told my numbers weren’t exciting. ‘Oh, you’re exactly five feet. Oh, you’re exactly 100 pounds. No fun remainders with you, just round, whole numbers! Your blood pressure is too average!” I should have had a stroke or something to liven the place up. Ho hum. In the great scheme of things, I know I’m always engaged and energetic, but I’ve got the Wednesday blahs. So much for hump day. Unless somebody wants to volunteer ;-)