The title for this post is a direct quote from my roommate Clyde. He’s the one that fixed my car, so I trust pretty much whatever he says or does. We were discussing football this morning and this naturally led to talk of Brett Favre’s antics. I should probably just have Clyde come in and do a celebrity post but instead I’ll recap what we talked about and infuse my own feelings. The second he said that Brett is ruining America, I knew I had to defend our country in the best way possible—with a blog that at best, a dozen people read.I never had a problem with Brett until the past year or two. He was such a fixture when he was with the Packers that I actually respected the man. Sure he was an ego maniac and inflated his accomplishments but he was a great quarterback for the Packers. He’s a legend. I thought he was going to retire. I gave him a nod of approval then and hoped he’d start an awesome charity or ribs restaurant, like all retired football players do. I mean he did that during the regular season—I just figured now that he retired, he’d make a chain. Sadly, this wouldn’t be the last we heard of Brett and everything else after just got worse and pissed me off more.
Brett isn’t the first man to leave something and come back. I remember when Roger Clemens said he was retiring from the Yankees, I went through the same emotions. I was sad he was leaving but gave him a nod because he served the team so well. I’d miss him but wait—just kidding! Clemens came back and played for another team! He lied to me and make a mockery of my Yankees. Just retire when you say you will so people can trust you. But Clemens didn’t make an ass out of himself the way Favre is now.
Brett played for the Jets for a year in 2008 and started off really well. By week 12, the Jets had compiled an 8–3 record.Yet, like the Jets usually do after midseason (sorry Dad and Karen), collapsed in on themselves like a star in a black hole. The Jets lost four of the last five games of the season. This part is the worst, they lost their final game against the Miami Dolphins, who had acquired Chad Pennington after he was released from the Jets to make room for Favre. In those five games, Favre threw eight interceptions and only two touchdown passes, bringing his season total to twenty-two of each. Ouch. Favre, you dashed the hopes of my Dad for another year and I’ll never forgive you. Don’t jerk my Dad around like that. Favre said he was going to retire this time, but then in September 2009, the NFL learned that the Jets were aware that Favre injured his arm, and fined the Jets for not reporting the injury in any of the Jets' five final games. Fuck you Favre. But it just gets worse. He didn’t retire. We’re still stuck with him.
As I’m sure you all know, Favre has been mediocre at best for the Vikings in 2009 and is playing this year. He’s gets hurt more than a hemophiliac thrown into a glass window. He had a ton of consecutive starts and then folds like a cheap table when he’s hurt and ruins the streak. . I’m sick and tired of seeing doctors on MSNBC and CNN show his injuries, like he’s some war victim. He does not merit breaking news status on my news home page. Also, Brett, we all sext. Just don’t get caught. Just in the news today, you allegedly asked this chick, Jenny Sterger for a masturbation video. Ew. You have a wife and kids. Don’t throw it away on some reporter. I can forgive you sucking at football but I can’t forgive you for being a bad husband. Just ask John Edwards. That man could have been President. We all know how this story goes.
Brett, you’re making a mockery of football and by extension, America, because football is America’s game. Stop being news all the time because your look ridiculous. I’m glad Cameron Diaz chose Ben Stiller in ‘There’s Something About Mary’ because you’re a douchebag. Just retire gracefully so I can be done with you. In the words of Clyde, you can go kick rocks. Or pound sand. I forget which one is worse.
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