I want some sort of catchy title to address my readership. Steven Colbert calls his audience ‘nation’ and I’ll admit, I’m kind of jealous. I don’t think I have anything close to his command on people, although I’d like to think we both make people laugh at our general ridiculousness. I’m going to give it some time and think over a suitable word or phrase that summarizes you all up without using the word friends or readership. Then I kind of feel like a cult leader. Or Mister Rodgers, and I don’t want to even pretend I’m as cool as him.
Anyways compadres, my friend Stu recently called out some love to the blog. Now, I don’t like to mention everyone who says they love my blog because I’m all about promoting me, not you. However, Stu gets an exception. Maybe I love him more than you. That’s entirely possible, since, duh, it’s Stu-bear and he’s adorable. Maybe it’s because Stu is in Israel and far away and I haven’t seen him in forever and I’m getting choked up and DAMNIT CAN YOU GIVE ME A MINUTE AND LET A GROWN WOMAN CRY?
Now that that’s done, thinking about Stu got me thinking about one of our favorite activities—watching ridiculous videos on YouTube. A favorite of Stu’s was AutoTune the News, which I’m sure you might remember from the last presidential primaries and election. Katie Couric repeatedly told us we were on ‘very thin ice’. I personally believe you’re nothing until you’ve been auto-tuned and that’s how you know you’re an official celebrity. It’s like getting your star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Until we heard Antoine Dodson tell us to ‘Hide your kids, Hide your wife’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw) in glorious auto-tune, he was just a small town advocate. Now, you can buy his insightful message on iTunes. Even that double rainbow stoner was auto-tuned. I didn’t take him seriously, due to the drugs, but now that it’s auto-tuned, this guy is my guru.
Auto-tune has been around for a while, but it seems like it’s only been the last couple of years it’s been used to its full potential. A long, comprehensive research project has informed me that Cher was the first person to use Auto-tune, in her 1998 song ‘Believe’. Don’t believe me? It’s all on Wikipedia. There’s also some debate over whether auto-tune ruins the integrity of music but I’m not going to get into Christina Aguilera’s shirt that reads ‘Auto Tune is for Pussies”, however mature her argument might be. Whoever told her Genie in a Bottle would be a good song clearly did it on a dare. That being said, anyone want to see Burlesque? That way I can wrap up these two mentions into a convenient movie of song and dance.
The scope of this post is escaping me as I get bogged down in Wikipedia and movies I want to see. The truth is, chaverim, that auto-tune is popular. Thus, if you’re auto-tuned, you’re popular. T-Pain is a god among mere mortals for creating the renaissance of this technology. He’s the Michelangelo to the music industry. Thus, I compel you, brothers and sisters of the State of Sharon—don’t trust any news you read until it’s been auto-tuned. Don’t listen to anything unless they address you by the word ‘Shawty!’. Seriously—if I lived in New York, I would have voted for Palladino and his Rent is Too Damn High party after his gubernatorial debate speech was auto-tuned. No offense Cuomo, your liberal politics had nothing on his auto-tuned tax cut message. Or that facial hair. Damn.
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